A momento to a man that I did not know

As I read the news this morning on my iphone, I was surprised (though i knew it was coming) to learn of Steve Job's death yesterday. As the girl who deemed Apple products expensive good for nothings and Apple fans crazy snobs, I am even more surprised to be a little sad by this news. I am by no means a blind fanatic or critic of Apple products. In my younger days, I have used and hated Apple computers and the MacOS. But I truly appreciate the amazing revolution that the iphone has brought to cellular technology and internet usage. From the day that the iPhone was first released, to four years later when I finally get to have my own iPhone 4, my life has been changed in so many ways.

And really, these changes come with technological innovations by people like Jobs. And I realize that it's the genius of many, many people, though it took leaders to bring together the little ideas into one impact that can revolutionize the way that we go about our lives.

As I read the triburaries by many giants in technology such as Bill Gates, Larry Page, and others, I think really today is a day that we could pause and appreciate the many wonders that technology has brought us.

Until we meet again.

It's hard to believe that it has been a year already. I don't even remember what day it was. I do remember the many spring nights, where the birds outside my window chirped on cheerily, while tears poured down my face. Somethings to be remembered, somethings to be forgotten.

I will always remember that night where I said goodbye to you. I thought I was ready for it. I even thought to myself, that certain things have to come first, and that I was okay saying goodbye to you the year before, as I walked out of your hospital room with blurry eyes. But I did regret not saying goodbye to you in those final hours. I cried every night since you passed away. I thought I was okay. I was glad you were able to end your suffering and regain your dignity, but I miss you so. Even now, a year later, I thought I could say it, but even as I write these words, the tears won't stop.

I am so thankful you came to say goodbye to me. That morning where I awoken, sobbing at our goodbye, that really was the last time then. When I was with the Vascular Surgery team seeing the elderly gentleman in the ICU, I thought of you, but even as my vision became blurry, it's because of our goodbye that I didn't break down crying in the room.

I really couldn't tell anyone about what happened. I would have cried in front of them if I did. And nobody would understand how much you meant to me. You were the only father figure in my life. The countless memories of you, standing tall, being the support and model for me as I strive to become a person, as great as you were. To never be able to see you again, to not have you there in my thoughts, it's too much. You meant too much to me.

I once read somewhere that the living shouldn't think of the dead too much, because we would disturb their peace. And I know you would be at peace. I know you wanted to see me before you passed away to the other world, so you came, and you were not sad nor regretful then. But I still miss you so. I think in some fancy from long ago, I had hoped that you would be the way to give me away at my wedding, and I wanted you to see me become a great person. But I would never want to keep you bound to this earth because I know you were suffering then. Fighting disease, old age, I could never want to keep you for my own selfish reasons.

I think I have tried to block the exact date from my memories, just like how I had done when she passed away. I can't bear to have to be forced by such things as dates to think about how much I miss you, so forgive me. And forgive me for disturbing your peace. I want you to know that I strive to become a good person with high moral standards. That I had chosen to dedicate myself for the better good humanity, and you have been my inspiration all along, and will continue to be. I will take care of her, and we will be happy. So you be happy too. And until we meet again.

Dr. Robo

Gone are the days of the doctor down the street who come with his doctor bag, who takes care of everything from fainting spells to tonsil extraction. (Sadly, gone also are the payments in chicken and vegetables). Now when you visit the family doctor, he would mumble off in his foreign accent about some study with a ridiculously corny name, with lots of jargon mixed in, and tries to convince you that the stuff you read online was wrong.

I always thought the concept of evidence based medicine to be interesting. It certainly makes sense, given that what we doctors brains thinks may not actually work in reality, and we instead rely on research, which is objective data, to tell us what to do. Then the question arises, what exactly is the point of having the phycision? Sure there things such as procedures and surgeries, which despite what other healthcare provider says, I think you need some one with as much training as possible to carry out, since anatomy does differ from one person to another, and delicate operations on humans.

But what about your good old family doc who tells you to go get that colonoacopy done every year and basically tries to force the flu shot on you? This is evidence based medicine, and certainly, the computer would certainly remember better than I to pester you about these things (persistence, sometimes, is a virtue). And research have shown that really, doctors can't even agree amongst themselves about how to conduct a physical exam, let alone making a diagnosis on physical exams findings. And really, diagnosis is just pattern recognition, which the computer will certainly be more adequate than us. In fact, the jeopardy winning computer, "Watson" by IBM, is now being fed the same stuff that we take 4 years of medical school and a quater million in debt to learn, so that it can make diagnosis (with real logic!) when presented with a patient. And I am sure 'Watson' or his cousins would be much better at following evidence based medicine than I. I estimate my memory storage to be about 4 gigabytes as compared to Watsons's 500 gigabytes. And Watson's brain can be easily updated, whereas my feeble brain will have to chug along for another 40 years, deteriorating in the meantime.

Of course, I think Watson still has longs ways to go before replacing your good old family doc, especially since there just isn't enough evidence for evidence based practice to cover every aspect of medicine, and we still rely on the instincts of the physician to make most decisions. But what if we can slowly let Watson take over parts of our time , and then to dedicate all the physician resources we save with Robo docs towards research? It certainly would help research in healthcare advance much further than its current trend.

But there are those who say, despite all the things that Robo docs could do, they certainly can't imitate the patient-doctor relationship. But wait, is that really true? Paul Ekman's research on microexpressions and other researches along the same lines would allow artificial intelligence to recognize human expressions. And if we can figure out the logarithm, they can even return the appropriate emotion. While Watson may not be able to do psychiatric counseling, Watson can certainly show you a sad face when you complain about that colonoscopy. Hmm, should have went into psychiatry after all.

While there is definitely more eminent issues to worry about in the future of physicians, I do wonder about the utilities of computer and artificial intelligence. It is interesting to think that the first AI is going online at a military base, while doctors are still struggling with massive paper charts, which you certainly can't do a search function in. I envision a future where robo docs could take the history, do a full body scan (with their high tech beams of course), generate a differential, and suggest a plan of action. You would only need one doctor to oversee the results, and they don't even have to chart! You could be seen whenever, and there would no longer be lines in the waiting room. Your appointment would always be on time, and your robo doctor can even calculate your personal risks of a procedure within seconds. There would be objective values weighing the risks and benefits, and the robo doc would be able to add every bit of information about you, no matter how remote, into the equation. And not just the regular doctor visits, but even surgeons would be able to save time from having to go round on their patients, and instead dedicate their time to operating.

Hopefully, by the time that Watson start to see my patients, I would be long retired with my bakery, or else, I would really have to uptake psychiatry.

Yet another blog

Years ago, I had a blogspot account. It had one entry on it. It was about how I would torture my French teacher. I must have really hated her to have started a blog just for the sake of venting. That was around thw time that blogs were starting on the rise, and of course, being the nerd that I am, I later started a xanga blog to join in the xanga craze that went on during my first two years of college. I consequently started a MSN space, a livejournal, tried using facebook notes, etc. But the question that I had to ask myself (that many bloggers ask themselves) what is the blog for?

Many people use blogs as a way to sharw what goes on during their daily lives. Some people have really interesting lives, but for most people, it's just for friends and family to know what's going on. My anatomy partner once remarked to me, "yeah, we are so busy that I have to read my wife's blog to find out what's going on with my kids." The popularity of facebook goes to show how much we like to stalk other's business.

And of course, the real popular blogs are subject oriented, suh as photo blogs, food blogs, fashion blogs, etc. I tried to turn my msn space into a writing blog, until I realized how terrible a writer I am.

Then there's the actual diary type of blog. I have never seen another person's, and I have not really shared my own either. I like to think of these as a hole in the tree. They are private thoughts that is not to be shouted to the world, but can be stumbled upon by some stranger. Over the years, this blog is the only that lasted through time, carrying the me through the past seven years of my life.

So really what is this blog? The internet is a wonderful invention where knowledge is shared beyond any boundaries known to men. But what about inspirations? The great thinkers throughout time, like Da Vinci, Aripostole, were rare and few in between. I am, by no means comparable to even a fraction of their genius. But can't we collectively share our geniuses, inspirations through the net? Everyday, fleeting thoughts pass through my head, that maybe in the hands of somebody smarter than I, could lead to some really brilliant idea. If even one poor soul, who stumbled by accident upon this tiny blog in the infinite cyber space, could leave this page with something to ponder about, then I would say the purpose of this blog is achieved.

And if you actually know the real me, maybe you have wondered for a split second what really goes on through my head, so welcome to the rational (mostly) part of my mind.

Kukulkan Blvd...

So after a week, I finally processed these pictures...

 I always wanted to try to take aerial pictures. This was probably 30,000 feet above the ground. There's something wonderful about defying gravity, no?

The lovely pond between our hotel rooms. Really got that tropical feel!

The bright tropical sun, the blue, blue sky, the crystalline aquamarine ocean, the sound of waves resonating for miles....Ahh...

 

Waiting for the sunrise over the ocean...

The sunrise was well worth the danger of falling down the 8th floor balcony...

Sunlight over the waves

They are watching the sunrise too

The hotel next to us with the nicer, softer sand...

The pool that we frolicked in... and got sunburned in...

Then we went to the lovely...Chicken Pizza! (Chitzen Itza)

Chloe and Me

Tino, our wordy Mexican guide, lecturing to us in Mayan, Spanish or is it English? ... And everybody looking...bored, I take it?

Venus planet (or is it some other deity?) where sacrificed hearts were placed (right over its womb, yep)

This oddly cute creature...

Ryan looking puny next to the Mayan Observatory

Chloe, what is that next to you?

The skull carved into the wall of warriors. Sacrifice!

Chloe looking meepish... 

A ton of "Ryan" faces... XD

"50 cents!" "How about 20 cents!" "...it's 20 dollars actually..."

Mexico, as I know it... The sunshine is overwhelming...

Sunset over the harbor. Think romantic thoughts.

This picture deserve a photoshoped night sky on it. To come later...

This was a lovely trip, with some lovely people, and lots of laughters and sunshine. I hope that my dear friends, you will always remember the sound of us roaring in the pool by the beach... frightening other resort people... And the many, many happy memories that we had made together.

Some famous catchphrase quotes:

"Women are..." 

"blank blank blank blank...man. Come on! blank blank blank blank...!" 

"The nationality that we all belong to..." "Mexico!"